I can't shake this thought. It's 1am and I'm absolutely burdened with this, and so I switched on my lamp and began to write things down in my personal journal. However, a stirring in my soul told me this wasn't something just for me. Some things were meant to be shared.
I turn nineteen on Sunday. It's a reality that hasn't yet hit me, and I don't really know what to do with it. But basically, I'm pretty well nineteen years old and I am single - a relationship status that has been a constant in my life bar one or two fleeting "relationships" in my high school years. This singleness seemed to plague my self esteem with thoughts such as, "If I were good enough - I wouldn't be single." and, "If I was better looking, boys would like me."mand, "If I wasn't so loud, over-confident, and whatever, someone would have taken me by now." I was led on quite a few times. Each time, a belief that I wasn't good enough was confirmed in my heart. Now, I can't honestly that I'm 100% healed from that - it's definitely a journey and it's one that I am happily walking with all the trials and triumphs that come with it. What I can honestly say, is that every day I'm teaching myself that I'm called out by an incredible God who actually cares enough about me to listen to my heart. He knows me. Stefany Rizzell at Bethel Church sings these words so prophetically and profoundly,
"You know when I rise, and when I fall. When I come or go - You see it all. You hung the stars, and you moved the sea... and still You know me."
The stars in the sky, the billions, the galaxies... The vastness of it all - yet He knows you, and He knows me. Jeremiah 29:11 speaks of the purpose that God has for us, that He delicately formed us within an expectant mother - a woman designed to nurture and love us in the same way that God nurtures and loves.
How does this tie in to singleness though? I love my rhetorical questions - haha. It does, because it shows that there is purpose for you, and there is purpose for me. Isaiah 43 says that God called us by name - He redeemed us by a grace that surpasses understanding. Psalms is filled with songs of despair where King David cried out to God for help - and help was delivered. See, singleness can be testing. This is one thing I know, being single can challenge the self esteem - and that is exactly why one should stay single. The time we have as a single being is fleeting, and it gives each and every one of us the opportunity to work on ourselves, to become whole in who we are as people that another person doesn't bring us completion - but instead brings their own wholeness, and together wholeness can be shared and celebrated.
I know quite well that within myself, I'm really and truly not ready for another person to be welcomed into the deepest areas of my heart and soul. I'm working on my self faith, I'm working on my love for God. I'm working to become the woman that the man I will one day marry so deserves. I challenge you to do the same. Instead of expecting Mr Right... work on yourself to become Miss Right! (And vice versa, men) See, you were created beautifully. You were handcrafted by a perfect God - there is no mistake about you, irrespective of how you came into this world, you're the age you're meant to be, the height you're meant to be, every single thing about you that you can't change, is perfect. And I'm learning to accept that as truth about myself too.
God loves me. I am working to love myself. Singleness is an underrated blessing, and I don't want to hurry God, I don't want to get into anything prematurely. Everyday I'm realising more and more that my singleness is a blessing not a curse... A challenge isn't a bad thing. So thank You God for blessing me with the opportunity to become the person I need to be, You're the best.
"Nothing is hidden from Your sight. Wherever I go, You find me. You know every detail of my life, 'cause You are God and You don't miss a thing."
No comments:
Post a Comment